Holding on to some relationships be like…

 
Pretend you are growing in a womb. Putting yourself together, being formed.

The only friend and companion you have ever known is the placenta, the giver of life. The source of your entire world, the bringer of nourishment.

Your pillow, your comfort, your connection.

 

Then birth happens and the cord is severed, often abruptly, and you are taken from the only home you have known and that placenta you have loved and that loved you is often discarded or used in a new way.

 

We know the cycle of birth before hand, but what if we didn’t know it was 10 months? It could be a pretty traumatic event to be separated from what sustained life for you, to move on, to thank that relationship and move forward.

But it MUST, or things will get putrid, toxic. We CANNOT stay connected to this organ any longer.

This is what we we do with relationships. What seems like violent ends was always going to be, NEEDS to be. The end of a contract, the end of a cycle that we are not consciously aware of. Free yourself to examine relationships, to evaluate, discard, readjust, use in a new way. Life is a series of cycles, move freely in that.

Loss of the living

Loss. Loss of people still living is a special kind of pain, there are often reminders around, especially when the one we lose is a family member. Loss is sad and it is necessary.

I don’t  have many close friends, (the 3 I do have are incredible) it’s hard at this level of awareness to be quite honest, when you have xray glasses to people’s emotional health. Everybody is attracted to my light but not able to sustain living in it unless they are ready for the emotional labor that I have already put in.

People grow at different rates, often times they come in for a time and then when their purpose is served, as I believe we all write up contracts before we choose these lives, the agreement ends and we are supposed to let go. This is a delicate territory, nobody tells you how lonely the journey of self discovery is. I have gone through loss of more relationships than I can count. I was going somewhere they could not follow, so I had to learn to release. And something about releasing, we have learned it’s wrong, akin to giving up. But it is everything but giving up. It is time we stop resisting the ending of these contracts, to move on and accept our own growth instead of keeping us small so we can maintain these relationships that have been so important. Don’t let others guilt you into staying small. Move on, grieve, feel feelings, because none of this means it is easy, but it is necessary.
I wrote this is 2015 and have several opportunities to take my own advice:

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The self discovery journey is a series of grieving. Grieving is growing, nothing shows you strength like grief. It’s mourning the loss of old habits, of comfort zones and of the people that aren’t ready to go/grow with you. Honor them and their role in your journey, send love, mourn and move on.

We’ve been taught to resist the things that don’t feel good instead of feel them. We build walls, we get stuck, we give our power to our pain, to our anger. But Grieve. Grieve well, grieve messy, feel your feelings, be gentle with yourself, talk about it, seek help, recluse, be present. It’s all okay.

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It is okay to move on from people, it is okay to grow apart, release them with love. We simply grow into different time zones, growing one way and growing another. Wether it is a family or a once close friend or a partner, loss is life and you will be okay. You are so supported even when it doesn’t feel good. Be brave, trust your instincts, you know what you have to do. Rise.

 

Conscious Partnership

How could you do that, how could you be so stupid? If you find yourself asking your partner, your kids, your whoever these questions, you are part of the problem. I know, it’s shitty to hear, but it’s true.
It automatically puts them on the defense, it fuels the need to put walls up and be “right” and it won’t produce any fruitful or productive answers. It’s time to change your dialog.  To elevate the conversation into a space where healing takes place and answers can be found. “You messed up. What are you going to do to fix it?” This eliminates the blame game. It calls a thing a thing and presents itself for what it is. It puts the focus on solution instead of back and forth, unhelpful banter.

Whenever you get more than one person into a space for an extended amount of time, like in a relationship, for example. There will be disagreements because you are setting up people on the same path but equipped with different life experience, different tool boxes, different coping mechanisms, etc. They will not deal with the same situation in the same way, once we can realize this and see it for what it is, fighting becomes communication, becomes appreciation, becomes a fruitful partnership. Feeling and expressing all your feelings is important, holding space for your partner while they feel feelings, feeling feelings together without blame, shame or being an asshole will change the way you interact in a positive way. When we cease to see “your side; my side” and instead look at things objectively, working together building on the others skills, helping with weaknesses, everybody wins.

Partnership doesn’t just apply to a significant other, but allrelationships in our lives, every encounter. How can you elevate your relationships today?

-Amethyst Joy

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