Perception.

Perception is everything. They know in Science that the observer creates the outcome and different outcomes arise in just choosing a different observer. You have two people looking at the same picture, reading the same quote and they will come up with reactions based on their perceptions of the world, the filter they choose to look through. This is a result of their childhood, their beliefs, how they feel about themselves, etc. Good or bad, useful or not, we are a sum of a collection of ideas we have allowed ourselves to believe, true or not. What makes it true is that you believe it is. What is true is there is no universal truth for this reason. Nothing is black and white, we all see the world in a unique way and it’s a beautiful thing if we allow it to be, but we see anything different as wrong, which is the genesis of most problems in groups, marriages, relationships, societies. Lack of communication and the dismissal of perspective, not seeing it as different colors that make up a beautiful painting, but the idea that different is wrong. It is completely up to you if you want to engage and listen to someone else’s perception based on their life experience or just walk away and disengage. Both are okay. Your energy is for you and you may spend or conserve it in any way you see fit.

I recently shared a quote, as a writer, that’s what I do, I use my words to bring forth new perspective. I said “How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?”
From MY perspective it was simply an invitation to look at the process of pregnancy in a new way, to embrace your power instead of focusing on the ways you feel or anyone as made you feel like you failed. And a lot of others saw that too, but it was interesting to also see “It’s my body, I can feel how I want about it……Don’t tell me how to feel!” Which of course, if you know me, I am all about doing what you want! If self loathing serves or empowers you, then, have at it, this is your human experience! But I didn’t think all that would fit in the meme and may have taken away some of the core message.

People like to be justified in the things they think, even if it hurts them. Cognitive Dissonance. I know I trigger people, that has been my life experience. I have spent years in silence, keeping myself in check, to hide my light, my gifts, my message, so I don’t offend people. I love the opportunity to share a different perspective. I know what is right for me and if it resonates with you, beautiful! I also realize Perception. I also realize the perspective I have may not make sense to you through your filter and that is okay, live your truth! As I tell my kids, you can do whatever you want as long as you are respecting the boundaries of others.

I write about my life because that is my experience. I write from my perspective because that is my experience. That is what is beautiful about writing, I collect old words and arrange them in a way that no one ever has because no one has ever been me. I only bring my perspective, not my demands. Do what truly serves you not holds you to your suffering.

-Amethyst Joy

large

 

Spirit Baby Communication

I’ve written about this before, but it’s on my mind to do it again and there is not very many resources, even online that talk about it . Prebirth communication, Spirit Babies, what is this?!

Let’s start with the basics. Everything is energy, when we go beyond our five senses we can communicate with this energy and learn how it works. There are real places spirits go after death. To learn more about that, I recommend the book Journey After Life by Cyndi Dale.
There is a place called the spirit baby realm. From what I have experienced, It is were spirits go that are waiting to manifest earthside, they have done the work they need to do or are working on it, they have chosen their families, their path and their stories. Because it really is the choice of the soul. Anyone can learn how to tap into this realm and the ones that do are called spirit baby communicators.

In between the time the soul has chosen you and the time they manifest in their earthside body for this incarnation, they are available to you, to talk to, to engage in prebirth communication. This is incredible and beneficial for a lot of reasons. Imagine not only knowing about your baby, but knowing about preferences and wishes they will have for their soul growth, needs they have as they come earthside, access to the infinite wisdom that is available to an unbound soul.  And they are very talkative, they love talking about and to their parents and it’s a joy to listen. They are enthusiastic and wise, these are the souls of our children. They are not blank slates, they are souls with bodies, missions and life paths, interests and things they will do in this lifetime. They chose YOU to help be their guides, not their dictators. Their support system, their cheer team.

Children choose their parents and families for many reasons, souls travel in groups.  Who you are drawn to in this life are the ones you have spent lifetimes with before.  Soul recognition, soul contracts, soul GROWTH. This is the reason we all chose to come here
Soul Growth.

And some spirits come in simply because there is an opportunity. There ARE instances of souls not having the best intentions and just wanting to find a way earthside, but we will focus on the lovely majority.

While a soul is in the spirit baby realm, they still have a very clear picture of their life path and why they are choosing it. We don’t necessarily always remember as we pass through the portal, the birth canal, but our highest self is always with us, remembering,  calling us to what have forgotten.

b1ffc7c9272e4f35c3152d0773dde263

My personal experience with spirit baby communication with my own little own has been quite a journey. For beginnings please read here.

After I miscarried, I spiraled into a deep, confusing, fog. “I knew her. I knew she was coming.” I thought.  I could not connect with her, things had gone silent. I was mourning, grieving.  I asked my mentor Reese to connect with her and got such a beautiful, reassuring message.

While she was able to be in her vessel, she could feel human emotion, (which is foreign in the spirit realms) things became clearer. She realized that she was being selfish, timing wasn’t right, Escher wasn’t ready. So she simply made a different decision.  She had healing to do, but she would be back. (She went with the Goddess Dana, who held and helped her)

Knowing this changed everything.  It helped me not blame myself or hate my body, it deepened my belief in the empowered decisions of the soul.

But still I mourned.  How do I know she will be back? What if all of this is bullshit? I still can’t hear her. I can’t feel her near me.

This continued for 4 months until….she came back. I knew it was her. Her energy felt more subdued, less Kali and more Dana, I could really feel Dana.

I felt her, she was near, she is back. In these past 22.5 weeks, I have spoken to my daughter in constant. And everything I believe about energy, about spirit baby communication, about life beyond earth has been absolutely solidified and affirmed and I have seen and felt and heard and know this to be true. Life exists before and after death. We just need to learn how to tap into this river of information. Our crown chakras have been closed, we are the muggles of the wizarding
world, blind to the magic happening all around us. But we CAN remember.

Not everyone believes what I do and that is their journey, we have different soul paths, we have different stories and this is mine.

For inquires and questions about spirit baby readings, please email me at thehealedmother@gmail.com

 

955af7713af839748ae2e738edbb5a58

themandalajourney.com

 

We are born of ancient birth, through ancient wisdom of our own. We are our own mothers and grandmothers and we are an extension of our spirit guides and ancient ones supporting us our entire lives.

 

 

Conscious Grief

 

 

12814067_10154628917883135_5270393329175560178_n

“She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.”

 

The months that followed my miscarriage were challenging, enlightening, painful and descriptives upon descriptives. I am no stranger to grief, but this was profoundly different, even with having a pretty in depth understanding of soul purpose and journeys, I was left paralyzed some days. Because grief is a roller coaster and very very sneaky.

Throughout my grief excursion, I wrote. Because that is what I do, so I will share that with you here. It doesn’t matter the type of grieving you are going through, I know mine had to do with so much more than one issue. Losing friends, losing myself, it was all grief.

——

Forgiveness. Forgiveness of self. Forgiveness in miscarriage. Loving yourself through grief.
Women tend to carry an amount of shame and guilt and I even felt a sense of greed. “I already have two kids, it was selfish of me to want more.”
And FUCK ALL OF THAT.
Because it’s lies.
It’s important to go through the process: the anger, the sadness, to really feel it. It’s also important to know that it’s safe to release it, too. Realize those emotions don’t serve us well as protection, they weigh us down. It’s been a daily battle for me. The only emotion that serves us and our babies memories is love.

Its okay to forgive yourself. Forgive your body. Release.

1606952_10154474303918135_6030928851622811698_n

 

Can we be okay with feeling sad? Can we be okay with doing and feeling things we are told are destructive and unacceptable? Well, turns out, we don’t need permission. I’m going to feel this at my comfort level and do what I want to get through this unbearable feeling. But I’m going to fucking feel it.

——

It’s getting calmer now, the wind.
Pull it pushes back again.
Scream into and carries away.
No one wanted to hear it anyway.
Swirling wisps of energy, moving feelings all around me. Not good or bad just is. Is. Is.
Pull it pushes back again.
Calmer now.

——

My eyes are glossed over, I’m just trying to exist.
Grief is a toddler’s scribbles, going here and everywhere, off the paper and onto the table. Sometimes on the walls, spreading down the halls. You find some in a drawer sometimes or on your favorite shoes.

Magic eraser, scrub, scrub, scrub.

Where did I put that pen…shit. there it is. Inked all on the brand new couch.

12615414_10154537858968135_1907324511470562021_o

—-

Witnessing lovely things with despondent eyes. I take note of it’s beauty but I cannot bring myself to celebrate. Maybe tomorrow will feel better in my bones. But today grief has burrowed and settled into the marrow. Ultimate entanglement.

——

12376700_10154454499138135_8401318318378354276_n

“Lift me from this floor…
If I can’t walk, I’ll crawl to love” -Saul Williams

——

 

The spiritual journey is a series of grieving. Grieving is growing, nothing shows you strength like grief. It’s mourning the loss of old habits, of comfort zones and of the people that aren’t ready to go/grow with you. Honor them and their role in your journey, send love, mourn and move on.

We’ve been taught to resist the things that don’t feel good instead of feel them. We build walls, we get stuck, we give our power to our pain, to our anger. But Grieve. Grieve well, grieve messy, feel your feelings, be gentle with yourself, talk about it, seek help, recluse, be present. It’s all okay.

 

 

 

The Last Day.

Today is the last day I will nurse my sons. I nourished them their entire lives, from the second they entered this world until today. Three and a half years, it’s been an amazing journey, it has allowed me to grow as a person, it tested and exceeded every limitation. When I thought my body could not take any more, it did, and now we are here. I have been such an advocate for self weaning and always thought, until very recently, that would be our path no question. But I recognize when it’s my time, too. It’s my time to get back into myself 100%.

When I think back to how our journey began, I don’t look back in fondness. There was so much struggle. Sitting with my 3 day old baby with engorged, painful breasts and inverted nipples. He was screaming at me as I hand expressed 5 drops at a time into a bottle. We were both a wreck. But we got through it. Battling thrush for months “Is it supposed to hurt this bad?!” No, honey, it’s not….get yourself to the doctor. We got through that too.

9 months later, Escher took up residence in my womb and I finally realized what painful nursing actually meant. Excruciating doesn’t begin to cover it. Nursing throughout pregnancy was the most challenging thing that I have had to do as a parent. But I was devoted to at least nursing Ezekiel until he was two, so we pushed through day by day.

When my milk came in, I was begging Ezekiel to nurse, I was so thankful to be nursing him for the first time in months.

And life looked like this….

10152565_10152913020953135_6699916951200624252_n

1900083_10152709348073135_1499620514_n

1555319_10152575512913135_662880248_n

Until today.

I recognize that life changes and I find comfort in releasing all expectations, because expectations could make motherhood ever harder than it already is. I really believe that is the main thing kids try to teach us. RELEASE THE EXPECTATION OF WHAT YOU THOUGHT LIFE WOULD LOOK LIKE. I thought I would let my kids self wean, yet here we are. The last day. There is no guilt surrounding my decision because there is no expectation. This is what life looks like now. The last day I nurse my boys.

In addition to all the trials of breastfeeding, it has been my absolute pleasure and true joy to be my children’s calm, quite and sustenance. In filling them, I filled every part of my soul with so many good things.

I am so thankful for all my friends who took our pictures capturing this portion of our lives that I continue to be so passionate about it. especially Little Moon Birth Photography.

11261645_10153870816278135_4216781375271529266_o

As I close this chapter of our lives, I have the most beautiful moments captured. We had a good run, but today is the last day.

It’s Time.

This has been a time of swift transformation and discovering myself as an alchemist. I am no longer the person I was a year ago and not even a shadow of who I was two years ago. Change is constant. I have been launched onto my path to my authentic self. The next step is upon me.

Transformation so great calls for new definitions. Leaving behind old ideas, being reborn. I am called to be reborn unto this earth with my new spirit. I shed my name, a name that served me well for 27 years, I honor that name and the connections it has made for me. I send love and light to my old vibration and cut the cord of all that does not serve me. My new vibration calls for a breakthrough.

My name is Amethyst. I am new, I am pure, I am light. I speak my truth under my new title and there is no looking back.

For centuries, when people go through an intense spiritual rebirth, source changes their name. It’s my time.

Amethyst holds many characteristics that I will strive for and describes me perfectly.

“In the psychic and spiritual realms, amethyst is an excellent all-purpose stone that can increase spirituality and enhance intuition and psychic powers of all kinds. It does this by making a clear connection between the earth plane and other planes and worlds. Amethyst is also excellent for meditation and lucid dreaming. It is used to open one’s channels to telepathy, past life regression, clairaudience, clairvoyance, and communication with angels. Amethyst also protects against psychic attacks, especially during spiritual work”

This is my new life, thank you for sharing it with me.

Amethyst_at_Senckenberg_Natural_History_Museum

Why my mom left me.

Why my mom left me.

Life started out as any other. Mom was my moon and stars and she remained that for the rest of our time together. Everything she did was good and everything she said was true. As I got older, being the youngest child, our codependency became apparent, just not to me and maybe not to her.

We were like Christmas lights that have been in storage for twenty years, like neglected fishing line. We were the same pea in a pod.

Until we weren’t. I could feel her pulling, I felt rejected, but I was twenty-one at the time and thought that’s what it felt like to finally grow up (even after being out of the house to pursue a starter marriage at 18.)

Things felt increasingly tight at home and shortly after the bomb dropped. My parents were divorcing. I felt like I had failed because I felt like I was the one holding it together, becoming the glue so I didn’t see my mom uncomfortable and sad.

These lyrics always spoke to me “I studied my mother, I digested her pain.”

What do you get when your parents separate later in life? It’s not two Christmases! It’s a lot of questions and was my childhood even real?

Wading through the loss of “Family” was dark and difficult, but we would get through it and define it in a new way, right?

Things got worse and the rift between us got bigger. I felt her energy turn spiteful towards me and this was confirmed when she came over one day and was on a mission to call me a liar for something that was completely true. She told my family I was mentally unstable and that hurt me and all the progress I had made from being a mentally unstable teen, but was also a total believable lie to anyone who had known me in that time. During that encounter, I knew I had lost my mom. She no longer cared for my well being. That’s the place I was in at that time. I cried for weeks.

After that, life went on and I didn’t hear from her. A year later I found out that I was pregnant with her first Grandchild. I decided to reach out. The phone call was good, she was excited, I thought this might be the thing that brings her back, but it wasn’t. Going through pregnancy without your mother is lonely. All these questions you have and all these ideas you shared growing up of her helping you along and passing on knowledge didn’t happen for me.

I called her when I arrived at the hospital, expecting that she would want to come to meet him. She didn’t.

She chose not to hold my babies or hear them giggle. She doesn’t watch them grow  or hold their sweet bodies

In my first year of being a mom, I grew and had a lot of healing, I was able to see that it was a blessing to start from scratch, no input or opinions to uphold, I was able to be the exact kind of mother I wanted to be, I saw how freeing that was.

In her absence, I have learned a lot about my mom.

For a long time I judged her for leaving, I was angry and confused, But she felt the same way. She needed a new life and that didn’t include us.

From suffocation to freedom.

From pain to prosperity. From feeling weak to feeling joy.

That is my hope for my mom.

In this Seven year journey, I have become a different person. Exactly who I was meant to be, I can only hope she’s out there doing the same.