I’ve had the revelation pretty recently on my parenting journey that even though I’m pretty sensitive and mindful of their emotions, I to stop telling my kids “I’m sorry you’re sad” if they are crying or having a rough day because being sad isn’t a bad thing, it’s a perfectly normal, healthy and helpful emotion. Just like being frustrated or mad or anything else! I don’t want my kids to think there is something wrong with being anything other than happy.
I had a recent conversation with Ezekiel that went like this:
Z: “MOM, I FEEL SAD”
Me: “It’s okay to feel sad. I don’t try and fix you when you feel happy, so why would I try and fix you when you feel sad? It’s just another emotion and all emotions are important I am here with you, by you and for you, always, to sort through whatever you are feeling, otherwise just let me know what you need.”
It’s true, kid’s don’t need help with feeling happy, they are inherently happy, they are inherently good and they are inherently emotional and that is a beautiful thing. Throwing a tantrum on the floor is a wonderful outlet! Imagine how good we would feel if we could instantly feel our emotions, instantly process and move on. It’s pretty interesting that we have been conditioned to punish children for feeling their feelings exactly how they do because of etiquette or social structure or what have you when we really should be learning from them how to feel.
So if my kid is mad, if my kid is crying, if my kid is happy or sad, how fantastic! Teach me more about holding space for emotion guilt free, my love! I welcome your emotional wisdom and will stop apologizing for it. I will stop making it make me feel uncomfortable and figure out, truly, why it did in the first place. Let’s talk about it, let’s work together but I’m not sorry you are sad.