Today is the last day I will nurse my sons. I nourished them their entire lives, from the second they entered this world until today. Three and a half years, it’s been an amazing journey, it has allowed me to grow as a person, it tested and exceeded every limitation. When I thought my body could not take any more, it did, and now we are here. I have been such an advocate for self weaning and always thought, until very recently, that would be our path no question. But I recognize when it’s my time, too. It’s my time to get back into myself 100%.
When I think back to how our journey began, I don’t look back in fondness. There was so much struggle. Sitting with my 3 day old baby with engorged, painful breasts and inverted nipples. He was screaming at me as I hand expressed 5 drops at a time into a bottle. We were both a wreck. But we got through it. Battling thrush for months “Is it supposed to hurt this bad?!” No, honey, it’s not….get yourself to the doctor. We got through that too.
9 months later, Escher took up residence in my womb and I finally realized what painful nursing actually meant. Excruciating doesn’t begin to cover it. Nursing throughout pregnancy was the most challenging thing that I have had to do as a parent. But I was devoted to at least nursing Ezekiel until he was two, so we pushed through day by day.
When my milk came in, I was begging Ezekiel to nurse, I was so thankful to be nursing him for the first time in months.
And life looked like this….
I recognize that life changes and I find comfort in releasing all expectations, because expectations could make motherhood ever harder than it already is. I really believe that is the main thing kids try to teach us. RELEASE THE EXPECTATION OF WHAT YOU THOUGHT LIFE WOULD LOOK LIKE. I thought I would let my kids self wean, yet here we are. The last day. There is no guilt surrounding my decision because there is no expectation. This is what life looks like now. The last day I nurse my boys.
In addition to all the trials of breastfeeding, it has been my absolute pleasure and true joy to be my children’s calm, quite and sustenance. In filling them, I filled every part of my soul with so many good things.
I am so thankful for all my friends who took our pictures capturing this portion of our lives that I continue to be so passionate about it. especially Little Moon Birth Photography.
As I close this chapter of our lives, I have the most beautiful moments captured. We had a good run, but today is the last day.